A Tribute

Today was the day we celebrated the life of Mama L.  I was asked to share a few words of my memories.  Here's what I had to say:

What an honour it is to have some of my thoughts and memories of "Mama L" shared with you all.
From the age of 12 I was an almost permanent fixture in the Lundeen house. I would show up whether Sharon, David and Heather were there or not, I even had my own key. Mama knew the struggles in my heart and my home and warmly opened her heart and home up to me. Looking back I’m sure there were times she walked in the door to an extra pair of shoes at the back and thought, "What is this? A hotel?" but if she ever thought that it never came across to me. Oh she made it clear, "if you’re one of my kids, part time or not you will be treated like one. Now go clean the bathroom."
I hope she knew how her unconditional love affected me. I saw that she disciplined but loved her children, which definitely molded my parenting skills. Her marriage, and the love between Mama and Papa, showed me what true love looks like and how wonderful a happy marriage could be. She took me to fancy tea houses and taught me about using the correct utensils, a skill which has come in handy several times as an adult trying to impress business associates. She taught me it was ok to take a break sometimes but with God’s grace and a lot of prayer you get back into the game of life even when you just want to hide in your bed...especially when you want to hide in your bed. She taught me to accept the things I can’t change, change the things I can and always ask God for help deciding between the two. She helped me nurse my first broken heart, and even though the offending boy left much to be desired, I never felt her judgement. When I found the perfect boy some years later she was so excited for me. She threw me a beautiful wedding shower and worked almost tirelessly with my mom to make my wedding day perfect. When I was in labour with my first baby she was there, flitting about, so excited. She knew the pain I was in would soon be replaced with enormous love for the gift God was giving me. And plans for a baby shower were underway almost immediately. When my second baby was born with a birth defect she was there right away. Reminding me how precious my baby was, that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, and praying constantly for my whole family.
I must admit that like many adult children I haven’t seen her as much in recent years as I’d like to. When I went to see her at the hospital a few weeks ago I sat beside her, showing her pictures of the girls and I felt so comfortable, cuddled up against her. One of my comforts is gone, but finally she is comfortable. I imagined her running up to her son and her grand-daughter, who she didn’t get to have time with here on earth, and thinking about how she will spend all eternity with them now. She will see us all again and she will embrace each of us. How can I be sad thinking about that? From now until I see her again I will continue living out the lessons she taught me and always be grateful for my memories of her.

Love and Loss



Today marks the beginning of what will likely be an emotional week.  Today my "second mom", Linda  Lundeen (affectionately known to me as Mama L) went home to be with Jesus.  It's been about 7 hours since she made this journey, and it seems strange and wonderful to me that she is somewhere where time means nothing anymore.  To her it will be merely a blink of an eye before she sees us again.  To those still here it will seem much longer.

For those of you reading this and have only known me a short time you may not even know about my feelings and beliefs about life and death and everything in between.  I'll be honest, neither do I.  I can tell you that Mama L was an important figure in my childhood and helped my mom steer me in the direction a God-fearing child should go.  But anyone who knows me at all (short or long time) knows that you can lead a horse to water... ;-)  I was brought up in a home with parents of two polar opposites.  My mom is secure in the knowledge that her Heavenly Father is always watching out for her, taking care of her, and has a place prepared for her in Heaven to welcome her to when her time comes.  My father was essentially and athiest.  Strange...yes.

This brings us to me.  What do I believe?  Well I definately believe in God, I believe that God sent Jesus to our earth and he died a most gruesome death for us.  I believe God has my best interests in mind and that I am truly His child.

My problems have come in dealing with all the earth stuff.  I'm a big questioner, I need to know "why" something is for me to accept it.  I need to know why I had the father I did, I need to know why God let certain things happen to me.  I need to know why my baby was born with a defect that will affect her entire life even though I did everything right in the pregnancy.  I need to know why people who claim to be leaders in a church think they are so much more important than those who are not called to lead.  I need to know why they think they have the right to judge others and impose their own opinions and non-bible-based theories on others.  I need to know why my mom lost her parents and her brother at such a young age.  And now I need to know why Mama L had to leave her children and grand-children behind at the age of 59.  Why?

My sister said something to me a few months ago, which I've been mulling over ever since.  I can't remember her exact words, but we were having a loving conversation and I know she could sense my frustration and anger at my situations and at God.  She gently suggested maybe I go back to church.  I kind of blew it off but to be honest I've been thinking alot about it.  Why haven't I gone back, well the answer is simple really:  I'm scared.  Scared to become attached to people who will let me down, scared to open myself and my children to the possibility of people, who claim to love Jesus, turning around and judging us.  But then I got to thinking, if I've completely quit talking and listening to God, how will He ever have the opportunity to answer all my "why's"?

So tonight I will start small, with a prayer for my dear friends who have lost their mother and wife, for my mommy who has lost her great friend and for me.  This is actually a song, one that my Grandma (also a strong Christian woman) really loved.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.


T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.